Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
