I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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