I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
