another moral hangover. fuck.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
