I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
