He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
