you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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