the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
bring money and cleavage
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
