She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
