Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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