I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
