I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
