you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
