i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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