I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
