Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
