We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
