Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
