Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
