I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize