im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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