you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
