How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
