I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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