I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
