Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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