dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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