it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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