i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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