y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
