Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your cock deserves a montage
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
