Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
