My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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