Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have aggressive nipples.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
