The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
