just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
