You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
