you guys were way drunker than both of me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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