Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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