You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
