he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
