I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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