Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
