Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
