no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
