Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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