...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize