and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
