just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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