Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
