I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
