You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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