Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
