THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
