i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
