There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
