Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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