Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
