I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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