: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
