ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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