I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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