U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
