wrigley field is MILF paradise
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
