Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
