He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I currently don't understand fingers.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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