2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
