butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
