a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
