i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
