Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
