He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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