I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's get the cat blown out
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
