Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
