EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
