im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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