he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
