Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize