My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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