our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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