Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
