but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish you could order shots online.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
