scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Please don't give away my fajitas
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize