I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
