ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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