so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
