did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Damn victory sex feels great
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
