I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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