Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
