____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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