I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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